Dealing with Family Trauma

I certainly know how hard it can be to have a healthy relationship with a family when there are open wounds that your family has caused or wounds that you have caused to your family. Just like in anything else it is important to understand what things about your trauma you can change and what you cannot, as well as what family members are healthy to keep relationships with at all and to what degree. Although things may never be how you want them to with your family because of course they are not something you can choose, you can maintain healthy relationships with your family members while keeping the distance that you need.

My father has caused a lot of pain to my family and I have had a lot of resentment towards him for a long time. I always wished I could have that father figure who was not locked up, that I could look up to like everybody else. However, for me and for a lot of other people this is simply not the case. What has helped me immensely is understanding what my father is to my life and what place he can have in my life that is healthy for me. I may not have a lot of respect for my father or the way he acts but I know now that it does not have to effect the person that I am. Sometimes the apple can eventually roll far away from the tree and that is what I strive to do. In fact, I have gotten to a place where I am motivated by the fact that I may have had it worse than most people where I am from, at least in my PERSPECTIVE. It makes  my successes that much sweeter and I am proud of myself as I accomplish things and act outside of the norm for my family. I have also over time built a relationship with my father that I can be okay with when he eventually passes away. I talk to him here and there about sports and his poker and tell him about the things I have been doing, but at the same time I understand that he is not a role model and that I should keep some distance.

This is the balance you may need to find for someone in your family. I highly recommend keeping some type of relationship unless it is not safe for your physical or mental wellbeing. Always keep in mind though that they won’t be around forever and even though they may not have been the person you wanted them to be you can be that person for them and feel good about yourself living without regret.